He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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