It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am one with the molecules
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
