I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
