i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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