THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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