WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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