if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
