So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm getting married
To pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
