There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
