no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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