"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
