Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
