if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
