We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
