Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
