Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
