im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
