Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
