it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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