I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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