Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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