I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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