When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
