What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
