is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
