i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
