i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Randomize
