Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
