i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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