so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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