Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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