Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
