those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My dick has a subreddit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
