Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Where is the hickey?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
