Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
