im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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