This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
