so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
