Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
