I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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