She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
