this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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