I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
