what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
