I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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