my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
