guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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