Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
