The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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