saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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